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Dracura's Love Hotel

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Dracura's Love Hotel

So, the other night, Jakey, PaulC, Magi and myself were in an AIM chat. It started off having something to do with Koreans, and their bid for world domination by establishing Gravity Kingdom at the center of the world. But that's a story for another time.

For, as the chat progressed, and more people came and went, it eventually evolved, in a processs akin to the bastard child of Darwin's Theory and Pikachu, resulting in a pseudo-MUD, run by none other than PaulC himself. A pseudo-Mud we have come to call...Dracura's Love Hotel.

Yes, kids, Dracura's Love Hotel has it all. Love, life and death. Sure, it may start of slightly immature, but as things progress, it becomes a slightly more mature kind of immature. Almost art, if you will. And so, it is my honor to present to you...DRACURA'S LOVE HOTEL.

--------------------

MrWeirdEyes: you are in a dark room
MrWeirdEyes: you are likely to be eaten by a grue
MrWeirdEyes: >
Drag0nsaver: >what is a grue?
MrWeirdEyes: a grue eats you and you die! 0/36669
Drag0nsaver: >retry

MrWeirdEyes: you are in a dark room. you are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Drag0nsaver: >fart in the grues general direction
MrWeirdEyes: you fart in the grue's general derection and it dies.
MrWeirdEyes: you are in a dark room. you are likely to be eaten by a different grue.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Drag0nsaver: >masturbate vigorously over the dead grue
MrWeirdEyes: you fap away mightily, but can't keep it up!
MrWeirdEyes: >
Drag0nsaver: >use drugs
MrWeirdEyes: you don't have any drugs.

Drag0nsaver: >consume grue
MrWeirdEyes: you masticate the grue's body violently until your stomach is filled with his rich blood. it is pretty dark here, you know?
MrWeirdEyes: >
Drag0nsaver: >erase text with a pencil eraser and create a few torches
MrWeirdEyes: you have a torch in your inventory for some reason! you can see an exit to the west leading down a LONG SPOOKY STAIR! wooooh.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Drag0nsaver: >throw magi down stairs
MrWeirdEyes: You don't see any magi here.

Drag0nsaver: >make magi
MrWeirdEyes: You construct a primitive golem from the clay of the very earth that surrounds you and christen it "magi."
MrWeirdEyes: >
ArxAmulius: >Destroy exit
Drag0nsaver: >throw magi down stairs
MrWeirdEyes: you attack the exit but it laff at you and still there
MrWeirdEyes: >

Galgoran: >attack self
MrWeirdEyes: You punch yourself in the face, knocking out your glass eyeball.
MrWeirdEyes: You see a glass eyeball here.
MrWeirdEyes: >

Galgoran: >eat glass eyeball
ArxAmulius: >Eat glass eyebal
ArxAmulius: holy shit
ArxAmulius: hahahaha
Galgoran: Laugh
MrWeirdEyes: You eat the glass eyeball. It goes down smoooooth but your next bowel movement will be unpleasant. Best find some exlax.
SaiDeathFork: >north
MrWeirdEyes: You walk north into the wall and your OTHER glass eyeball pops out.
MrWeirdEyes: You see a glass eyeball here.
MrWeirdEyes: >
ArxAmulius: >shove eyeball in ear
Galgoran: >smoke glass eyeball
SaiDeathFork: >west
MrWeirdEyes: you put the glass eyeball in your ear. it falls out. you have no pipe to smoke it with. you walk west, down the spooooky staircase oooooh!

MrWeirdEyes: you are in a giant field for some reason, there is a tree and a bat flying around and to the east a spooooky staircase ooooh! and to the north a giant dodo with a harness on its back.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: >north
MrWeirdEyes: you walk over to the giant dodo. its rank odor offends you.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Drag0nsaver: >commence consuming!
MrWeirdEyes: you attempt to consume the dodo, but it fights back vigorously, knocking you silly and dislodging your third glass eye.
Drag0nsaver: >take a bath with chocobo
MrWeirdEyes: you had a bath last saturday!
MrWeirdEyes: >
Drag0nsaver: >that was 3 weeks ago!
MrWeirdEyes: you're perfectly clean, you can smell your head if you don't think so!

ArxAmulius: >Call out for mother and hope for response from anyone, even Jakey
MrWeirdEyes: you call out for your mother. the dodo laughs at you.
MrWeirdEyes: >
ArxAmulius: >Attack Dodo with wooden sword
MrWeirdEyes: you hit the dodo, but it fights back and knocks you on your tushy. you lose a fourth glass eye!
MrWeirdEyes: two glass eyes are here.
Galgoran: >examine jesus
MrWeirdEyes: you take a look at jesus. he is inside all things.
MrWeirdEyes: >

Galgoran: >mount dodo
MrWeirdEyes: you swing up on the dodo.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: >pocket glass eyeball x2
MrWeirdEyes: you take the glass eyeballs.

Drag0nsaver: >bounce dodo
MrWeirdEyes: you bounce the dodo and he runs off to a spoooooky castle to the north. you are at a spoooooky castle to the north. you are on a dodo. there is a door in front of you and spoooky bats flying around.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: >eat spoooky bat
MrWeirdEyes: you can't reach the spoooooky bats! maybe if you had something to throw.
Galgoran: >throw glass eye
MrWeirdEyes: you throw the glass eye at a bat and in a shower of gooooold it turns into a PRETTY GiRL! the pretty girl bats her eyelashes at you!
MrWeirdEyes: >

Drag0nsaver: >CRUSH. RAPE. DESTROY!
Galgoran: >rape pretty girl bat
Galgoran: It's what we do. Lips are Sealed
MrWeirdEyes: your clumsy viking fingers reach out for the pretty girl's boobies, but she titters and coquettishly dances away! you remember you have erectile disfunction anyway.
Galgoran: >crush girl with viking fingers
MrWeirdEyes: you try to crush the girl with your clumsy viking fingers but she slips out and becomes a bat in a shower of GOOOOOLD!

SaiDeathFork: >complain about my mother fucking gums and how much pain they're in
MrWeirdEyes: you complain about your mother fucking gums and how much pain they're in. the girl nods sympathetically.
ArxAmulius: >Grow second head
MrWeirdEyes: you already have a second head.
ArxAmulius: >Search for secret panel
MrWeirdEyes: you search for a secret panel but find none, not suprisingly as there is a big handle on the door and it is not locked.

Galgoran: >enter spooooky castle
MrWeirdEyes: you enter the SPOOOOOOKY castle!
MrWeirdEyes: you are inside the SPOOOOKY castle. dracura is here. there is a staircase to the east.
MrWeirdEyes: >
ArxAmulius: >Descend staircase
MrWeirdEyes: the staircase goes up.

Galgoran: >rape dracura
MrWeirdEyes: dracura does not appreciate your amorous overtones.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: >seduce dracura
MrWeirdEyes: you wiggle your viking hips seductively at dracura, but he has eyes only for the bats.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Drag0nsaver: >turn into bat
MrWeirdEyes: you are not a werebat, a fact you regret deeply as you gaze into the limpid pools that are dracura's brilliant blue eyes.
MrWeirdEyes: >

Galgoran: >search room
MrWeirdEyes: there is a chandelier here hanging from a chain. dracura is here. a staircase winds up to the north.
Galgoran: >break chain
MrWeirdEyes: you can't reach the chain.
Galgoran: >jump
MrWeirdEyes: you jump.

Drag0nsaver: >fart at dracura
MrWeirdEyes: you fart at dracura, who looks sincerely offended.
ASC11 M4N: >bat eyes alluringly at dracura
MrWeirdEyes: you bat your eyes alluringly at dracura. he snarls and explodes in a shower of GOOOOOOOLD.
ASC11 M4N: >search sparkles

Galgoran: >north
MrWeirdEyes: you go up the stairs to the north. you are in a CREEEEEPY TOMB ROMB. there are tombs here. there is a mummy on the wall.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: >eat mummy
MrWeirdEyes: you chew on the mummy. he sheds a single tear.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: >eat grue
MrWeirdEyes: there is no grue here faggot.
MrWeirdEyes: >

ArxAmulius: >Scare Galgoran
MrWeirdEyes: there is no galgoran here.
MrWeirdEyes: >
ArxAmulius: >Create Galgoran
MrWeirdEyes: you painstakingly create a golem from the very earth surrounding you, and christen it "galgoran." galgoran looks up at you innocently.
ASC11 M4N: >slap galgoran's ass
MrWeirdEyes: you slap galgoran's ass! he starts to cry and cry and cry, the little bitch, so loud that the living dead awake and rise out of their tooooombs! there is a spooooky door to the north and a spoooooky staircase going back to the south
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: >north
MrWeirdEyes: you run to the north, leaving galgoran behind to distract the zombies. you chortle at his screams as they rend his flesh.

MrWeirdEyes: you are on the moon. there is a rocketship here. there are rocks here. to the north there are craters.
ArxAmulius: >north
MrWeirdEyes: you wander over to the craters. there is a pretty pink rock here and a tunnel leading down into the DEPTHS OF THE MOOOON.
ArxAmulius: >Enter tunnel.
MrWeirdEyes: you slide down into the tunnel. after a long, tumbling fall, you find yourself in Space Dracura's inner sanctum, sitting in his chimney. you are on fire. Space Dracura is here. A tub of margarine is here.
MrWeirdEyes: >

ArxAmulius: >Grab tub of margarine
MrWeirdEyes: you grab the tub of margarine. Space Dracura blinks.
ArxAmulius: >Throw margarine on space dracura
MrWeirdEyes: you throw the margarine tub at space dracura, but he transforms it into a LIGER. there is a liger here. the liger is angry.
ArxAmulius: Oh shit
Galgoran: >throw glass eye
MrWeirdEyes: you throw the glass eye at the liger. the liger turns into a shower of GOOOOOOOOLD. Space Dracura cries and cries.
Galgoran: >rub body.
MrWeirdEyes: you rub your body with your thick, meaty hands, ecstatic at the sensation of victory. Space Dracura sobs.
MrWeirdEyes: >

ArxAmulius: >I want the motherfucking gold
MrWeirdEyes: you reach out to grab the gold, but in a rapid, snarling movement, Space Dracura reaches out in anger and bites your arm!
MrWeirdEyes: you are now a space dracura, doomed to wander the depths of the moooon forever. ******GAME OVER******
MrWeirdEyes: your score in that game was "applesauce" out of a possible "meatjuice." would you like to restore, retry, or emo?

ArxAmulius: >Resume at savepoint
MrWeirdEyes: you resume on the surface of the MOOOOOON. there is a rocket here. there are rocks here. to the north are craters.
ArxAmulius: >Examine Rocket
MrWeirdEyes: you look at the rocket. its shiny, long, phallic body enrages you as a potent reminder of your own erectile disfunction. there is a rocket here. there are rocks here. to the north are craters.
MrWeirdEyes: >

ArxAmulius: >Board rocket ship
MrWeirdEyes: you board the rocket ship! it explodes in a shower of gold. you are sitting on top of a mountain of gold. there are rocks here. to the north are craters.
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: >gather gold
MrWeirdEyes: you take the entire mountain of gold. it's kinda heavy.

chikinman500: >dance on craters
MrWeirdEyes: you try to dance, but the rhytmic movements disturb your heavy load of GOOOOLD and it all bursts out, rolling all over the goddamn place. some moon gold elves leap out of the ground and look at you menacingly.
Galgoran: oh shit
chikinman500: >pick up elves
MrWeirdEyes: you try to pick up the elves. they cry because you remind them of their abusive fathers and scurry away to freedom.
ArxAmulius: Laugh

SaiDeathFork: >follow elves
MrWeirdEyes: you try to jump down the elf holes, but they're too small for your massive manly frame to squeeze through.
Galgoran: >shrink
MrWeirdEyes: you concentrate hard on shrinkage, but your mental concentration is disrupted by memories of sixth grade gym class cold showers.
MrWeirdEyes: >

MrWeirdEyes: You take some rocket fuel from amidst the piles of gooold. It drips through your hands.
ArxAmulius: >Use rocket fuel to create bomb
SaiDeathFork: >realize that the moon is an airless enviroment, herego there would be no way to ignite the rocket fuel
ArxAmulius: Oh shit
ArxAmulius: >Ignite anyway

chikinman500: >rub fuel all over body
MrWeirdEyes: you rub the fuel all over your body, oiled up real damn good. oh yes. you could slip through all sorts of tight shit now, if you know what we MEAN.
Galgoran: >follow elves
MrWeirdEyes: lubricated by the pure oil, you leap down the elf hole and arrive in christmas town. santa claus is here. a bag of presents is here. harry potter is here.

ArxAmulius: >Steal presents
MrWeirdEyes: you lunge for the presents, but santa claus clotheslines you hard.
Drag0nsaver: fucking owned :v

ArxAmulius: >Ask for present nicely
MrWeirdEyes: You ask nicely for a present, but santa claus has a ball gag in his mouth and cannot speak. Harry Potter is holding him on a leash and says something in britishtongue.
chikinman500: Wait guys I can speak britishtongue
chikinman500: >say pip pip cheerio and shit
MrWeirdEyes: You engage harry in cheerful britishtongue conversation. He tilts his head and nods, a vacant expression in his eyes and a hideous grin spearding across his face. He is eying your private zones.
Galgoran: oh no.
ArxAmulius: Ohman

SaiDeathFork: >spoil the 6th harry potter book
MrWeirdEyes: "whatzit fonkz voldemort tonks chazzwozzer hahahah!" harry responds cheerfully.

Galgoran: >percusso repairum
MrWeirdEyes: you cast a magic spell but it has no noticable effect except arousing harry.

Galgoran: >throw glass eyeball
MrWeirdEyes: you have no more glass eyeballs! harry approaches slowly but surely. you spot a listless reindeer behind his shaggy head.
ArxAmulius: Hmm
ArxAmulius: We must find his weakness
ArxAmulius: I got it!
Galgoran: Maybe his weakness is oral sex.
Galgoran: Blush

ArxAmulius: >Lure Harry with some of those newfangled every flavor bean things
Galgoran: Magi
Galgoran: I think we have the only beans harry wants
Galgoran: Lips are Sealed
Galgoran: If you know what I mean
ArxAmulius: Ohman.

chikinman500: >make reindeer mating call and project your voice so the reindeer thinks harry is doing it
ArxAmulius: Is genious
ArxAmulius: =^)
MrWeirdEyes: you imitate a reindeer mating call and throw your voice as if harry had done it! finally a use for your joint degree at viking college in ventriloquism and zoology. the reindeer springs to life aroused and harry spins around.
Galgoran: >:D
MrWeirdEyes: much to your amazement, harry does not resist the reindeer's advances. what ensues will be burned in your memory forever.
ArxAmulius: ...
ArxAmulius: Gasp
chikinman500: >open presents
MrWeirdEyes: you would open the presents, but you don't feel in a very christmasy mood right now.
MrWeirdEyes: there is a door to the east, or something.
Galgoran: Oh Noes!
ArxAmulius: Hahaha
chikinman500: XD

chikinman500: >free Santa Claus
MrWeirdEyes: you undo santa's ball gags and carefully slip him free of his leash. he takes a look at the ongoing... events... and sits down dejectedly in the snow, a single tears trickling down his jolly cheeks for the love he had known and lost
chikinman500: Oh god I can't even begin to muster a response to that

ArxAmulius: >Comfort Santa
MrWeirdEyes: you put your arm around santa consolingly. he smells of urine and rotten apples. he looks up and smiles quaveringly and hands you a discus for your kindness.

Galgoran: >bottle tear
MrWeirdEyes: you don't have a bottle k
MrWeirdEyes: >
Galgoran: I am sure that tear is a quest item
Galgoran: Lips are Sealed

ArxAmulius: >Offer to deliver presents to Niflheim for him
MrWeirdEyes: you offer to deliver presents for santa, but he shakes his head and stands up. "No, no," he says sadly, "I must regain the chrismas spirit and get back on the job!"
MrWeirdEyes: Harry finishes with the reindeer and leaps up at these words.

ArxAmulius: >clothesline Harry
MrWeirdEyes: You clothesline harry potter, throwing him backwards on the hard rock, breaking open his skull! He dies, shaking there, his magic wand still clasped in his hand. Santa wails and commits suicide.
MrWeirdEyes: >
ArxAmulius: Oh shiiiit.
ArxAmulius: >Run before the cops arrive
MrWeirdEyes: you peel the fuck out of there to the east. You are back in dracura's castle. This is the basement. There is a centipede here, and a fruitbat, and a chevy.

Galgoran: >Apply discus to chevy
MrWeirdEyes: You stick the discus on the front hood of your chevy. Bitching.

Galgoran: Hrm
Galgoran: >catch fruitbat
MrWeirdEyes: You leap to reach the fruitbat, catching it by its tiny legs! It turns into your aunt tilly.
Galgoran: o_o

Galgoran: >apply aunt tilly to chevy
MrWeirdEyes: You stick aunt tilly on the discus on the chevy. She clucks in dissapproval. Bitching.

chikinman500: >remove discus
MrWeirdEyes: you try to take the discus off, but it is securely wedged underneath aunt tilly's pink mumu.

Galgoran: >apply centipede to aunt tilly
MrWeirdEyes: you drop the centipede on aunt tilly. she shrieks and faints. the centipede crawls in her ear.

ArxAmulius: Oh shit.
ArxAmulius: >Grab centipede
MrWeirdEyes: you rip the centipede out of aunt tilly's ear before it can tunnel too deep. clutched in its writhing mandibles is a shiny marble.
MrWeirdEyes: >

Drag0nsaver: >put centipede into aunt tilly's vagina
Drag0nsaver: >put centipede into aunt tilly's vagina
Drag0nsaver: >put centipede into aunt tilly's vagina
Drag0nsaver: >put centipede into aunt tilly's vagina
ArxAmulius: ...
Galgoran: Oh Noes!
Galgoran: Oh Noes!
Galgoran: Oh Noes!
Galgoran: Oh Noes!
Galgoran: Oh Noes!
MrWeirdEyes: you don't like aunt tilly in that way.

Galgoran: >take marble
MrWeirdEyes: you take the marble. it is shiny.
Galgoran: >unpolish marble
MrWeirdEyes: you rub some dirt n' shit on the marble. dracura appears before you and howls "WHY DO YOU RUIN EVERYTHING JEFFERY?!"

ArxAmulius: >Ask who Jeffery is
MrWeirdEyes: You ask dracura who jeffery is. Dracura says "You are."

Galgoran: >apply chevy to dracura
MrWeirdEyes: You can't lift the chevy. Dracura sniggers.
MrWeirdEyes: >

Galgoran: >apply dracura to chevy
MrWeirdEyes: you grab dracura by his ankles and place him on top of aunt tilly before he can react. unfortunately, the weight is too much, and aunt tilly is driven down through the discus and severed cleanly in half. dracura vomits noisily.

Galgoran: >bottle vomit
MrWeirdEyes: you greedily gather dracura's vomit in your hands, caring little that you lack a bottle to store it in. When the cops arrive an hour later, you are still standing there, gazing into its depths among the ruined meaty chunks.
MrWeirdEyes: ****GAME OVER****

This menace must be stopped! Defend the Core at all costs!

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Mega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 14 Jul 2004

Requesting this be moved to the Anthology.

Pure genius.

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<div align="center">[img]http://img316.imageshack.us/img316/7302/tfaymwos1ud.jpg[/img

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Ultra TownieMega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 12 Jul 2004

I didn't realize that the MUD was that long until now. DX My favorite parts were the adventures that ensued with Santa Claus and Harry Potter.

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Ultra TownieMega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
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Quote:

Originally posted by Magi@Jul 21 2005, 12:14 AM
I didn't realize that the MUD was that long until now. DX My favorite parts were the adventures that ensued with Santa Claus and Harry Potter.

[post=179701]Quoted post[/post]

And you have no idea how many extra comments and shit I cut out. :v

This menace must be stopped! Defend the Core at all costs!

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Mega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 14 Jul 2004

That was great.

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Mega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 25 Jul 2004

...ch...
ch...
cha...
chatlogs. Frown

whoa sigless

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Mega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 14 Jul 2004
Quote:

Originally posted by OMFG Tom@Jul 21 2005, 12:40 AM
...ch...
ch...
cha...
chatlogs. Frown

[post=179713]Quoted post[/post]

...o...
of...
off...
offtopic. Frown

gtfo if you have nothing nice to say. >(

<div align="center">[/CENTER]
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Quote:

Originally posted by Kefka@Jul 21 2005, 07:42 AM
...o...
of...
off...
offtopic. Frown

gtfo if you have nothing nice to say. >(

[post=179714]Quoted post[/post]

n...
no. :mad:

I dont like chatlogs.

whoa sigless

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SO DONT BLOODY POST IN THEM THEN!!

Nice log that, though that may have killed my brain from the reading.

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Mega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 14 Jul 2004
Quote:

Originally posted by OMFG Tom@Jul 21 2005, 08:40 AM
...ch...
ch...
cha...
chatlogs. Frown

[post=179713]Quoted post[/post]

Oh for the love of a tap dancing leprachaun with athletes foot! Would you SHUT UP about chatlogs! They are breaking no rules being in the Sanitarium so give over and don't post in them.

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Quote:

Originally posted by Ricky-K@Jul 21 2005, 02:36 PM
Oh for the love of a tap dancing leprachaun with athletes foot!

[post=179757]Quoted post[/post]

:holy:

Hilarious.

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Drag0nsaver: >put centipede into aunt tilly's vagina
MrWeirdEyes: you don't like aunt tilly in that way.

We must do this again. :v

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Mega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Quote:

Originally posted by Ricky-K@Jul 21 2005, 01:36 PM
Oh for the love of a tap dancing leprachaun with athletes foot! Would you SHUT UP about chatlogs! They are breaking no rules being in the Sanitarium so give over and don't post in them.

[post=179757]Quoted post[/post]

I'm not saying they are breaking rules, but, you know.
Chatlogs. Sticking Out Tongue

whoa sigless

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Joined: 14 Jul 2004

Tom, we know you don't like chatlogs, but nobody's forcing you to stuff your face in one 24/7 so stop whining already and make good use of the close button

THE TIME HAS COME...!!!
Sharkie's Favorite Image (1/21/06)
/notes: fap...fap fap. If this isn't a man, I'm i

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Quote:

Originally posted by CherryCrack@Jul 21 2005, 08:14 PM
Tom, we know you don't like chatlogs, but nobody's forcing you to stuff your face in one 24/7 so stop whining already and make good use of the close button

[post=179794]Quoted post[/post]

I'm not whining, jesus christ do you guys just harass anyone who doesn't like the topic? I just stated I don't like chatlogs. I didn't call for the thread to be deleted, moved, or whatever, I just made it clear I don't like chatlogs. Yes, in 2 threads. If this REALLY impedes on your enjoyment of the thread, seek help.

whoa sigless

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Quote:

Originally posted by OMFG Tom@Jul 21 2005, 12:34 PM
I'm not whining, jesus christ do you guys just harass anyone who doesn't like the topic? I just stated I don't like chatlogs. I didn't call for the thread to be deleted, moved, or whatever, I just made it clear I don't like chatlogs. Yes, in 2 threads. If this REALLY impedes on your enjoyment of the thread, seek help.

[post=179797]Quoted post[/post]

Ok Tom. You don't like chatlogs. We understood the first time. It isn't like repeating yourself will make your point more clear to people. If you'd like it I can let everyone know you dislike chatlogs, that way you won't have to waste your breath on it again. Smile

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hmm... This seems very interesting...

???????????

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Quote:

Originally posted by OMFG Tom@Jul 21 2005, 09:34 PM
I'm not whining

Yes, yes you are.

Quote:

jesus christ do you guys just harass anyone who doesn't like the topic?

[post=179797]Quoted post[/post]

No you just make yourself a point for harrasment by either asking to be flamed, or just posting crap/pointless posts.

Quote:

I just stated I don't like chatlogs. I didn't call for the thread to be deleted, moved, or whatever, I just made it clear I don't like chatlogs. Yes, in 2 threads.

The point is though, why?!? We heard you the first time, and repeating yorself in too threads is basically a call for attention.

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Oh, but I was done. And you continue to feed the fire Nano? CONTINUE FEEDING THE FLAMES OF HATE?!?!

-.-''

whoa sigless

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No you continue to start the fires.

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Joined: 14 Jul 2004

This is sheer awesome converted into thread form.
I enjoyed reading that immensely. Now if I could just get a copy of it in text adventure format...

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wait, didn't I have this game?

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Tom, Nano. You should be ashamed. You have vandalized the internet's version of the Mona Lisa. :'[

This menace must be stopped! Defend the Core at all costs!

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This thread - Tom/Nano = anthology

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part deux

<PaulC> You are in japan, apparently. More specifically, lying in a pile of garbage cans. Baby mothra flutters cheekily about your hair. To the north, blocking the distant exit, el chupacabre is staring at you with some interest. You don't remember much of anything, except that you really like alcohol.

<The_Patryn> >search garbage
<PaulC> you look around at the garbage surrounding you. it's pretty smelly. there are some empty pocky and stained panties here.

<Kefka> >sniff panties
<The_Patryn> >take panties
<The_Patryn> >take pocky
<PaulC> You take a whiff of the panties, and revel in the delicate scent of virginity. El chupacabre looks kinda weirded out.
<PaulC> You take the panties and the empty pocky boxes.

<Dragonsaver> >convince baby mothra to attack chupacabre
<PaulC> You speak slowly and loudly to baby mothra, but it only understands the crazy language of the east, so it just sorta titters in response. El chupacabre advances and sniffs at you warily.

<Dragonsaver> >make sure you're not in a sheep suit!
<The_Patryn> >apply goat to el chupacabre
<PaulC> You aren't in a sheep suit, yeah. There isn't much of a goat here sadly.
<The_Patryn> >apply panties to el chupacabre
<PaulC> You giggle hysterically and stick the panties on el chupacabre's head upside down! El chupacabre is blinded and runs off in terror to the north. The way to the north is now passable, you know?

<Kefka> >north
<PaulC> You wander up to the north. There's an abandoned old sofa sitting here. To the north the alley opens up into the brightly lit street
<PaulC> Baby mothra follows you.
<The_Patryn> >examine sofa
<PaulC> You examine the sofa. It smells of guano and brimstone. It looks like it has teeth.
<PaulC> Baby mothra shudders.

<Kefka> >use omnislash at sofa
<PaulC> You hit the sofa with your fist of power! The sofa growls softly.
<Dragonsaver> >freak out, run south, and then check inventory
<PaulC> You totally go all "WHOAH" and run back to the south. You have some empty pocky boxes and 600 yenses.
<PaulC> There is an exit to the north and a sewer lid to the south.
<PaulC> Why is there a sewer in an alley? It's japan.

<Kefka> >search the streets for prostitutes with a going price of less than 600 yenses
<PaulC> You'll have better luck finding whores in the street.
<The_Patryn> >north, sacrifice baby mothra to sofa
<PaulC> You move north and grab at baby mothra, but it squeals and sprays you with love juice. You are now bright pink.
<PaulC> Baby mothra is indignant.

<Kefka> >flail arms and look angry
<The_Patryn> No guys
<The_Patryn> We need to think LATERALLY.
<The_Patryn> >mount the sofa and RIVERSTOMP.
<PaulC> You jump on the sofa and jump on it real hard. A bum rolls out from underneath the cushions and springs to his feet menacingly, brandishing what appears to be a sharpened umbrella.

<The_Patryn> oh shit
<The_Patryn> >throw pocky box
<PaulC> You heave the poxky box at the bum! The bum squeals like a schoolgirl and reveals his true identity as Hello Kitty.
<The_Patryn> >apply hello kitty to vibrater
<PaulC> You grab at hello kitty and search around eagerly for a vibrator to stick her on. Hello Kitty giggles. There are no vibrators here though so you reluctantly put her back down.
<The_Patryn> Oh Noes!
<Dragonsaver> >stuff Hello Kitty back into the sofa
<PaulC> You stuff Hello Kitty back into the couch, and it vanishes into the X-Zone.
<Magi> X-ZONE ROFL Xzone
<Dragonsaver> >what is the x-zone?
<PaulOSR> >enter the X-Zone
<PaulC> You twirl your skirt, touch your nose, and turn around three times on the spot. You are now in... THE X-ZONE.

<Magi> >Look for girls
<PaulC> You look around eagerly for ladies, but all you can see is ice and mountains and crap. A yeti is here.
<Magi> >talk to yeti
<PaulC> You greet the yeti in a friendly tone. The yeti hates you!
<Magi> Frown
<The_Patryn> >genocide
<Magi> >gnomicide
<PaulC> You exterminate all of the indo-chinese-alaskan midgets you can find.
<PaulC> The yeti will not invite you to its birthday party if you keep it up.

<Magi> >mount yeti
<PaulC> The yeti is shy! The yeti blushes fiercely and runs away into a mountain, driving a tunnel through solid rock.
<Magi> >follow yeti
<PaulC> You wander after the yeti for a while. You are in the crypts of slorgath'mir. There is a bronco here, and a rack, and an iron maiden. To the west is a yeti elevator.
<The_Patryn> >buck bronco
<PaulC> The bronco throws you off with an angry snort! Your spine is seriously injured and you will never walk again. Magical fairies fit you with a wheelchair. You are now in a wheelchair.

<Magi> >wheel into iron maiden
<PaulC> You wheel like a madman towards the iron maiden and rip it open only to reveal it is occupied by the yeti! The yeti is embarassed. The yeti says "I hate boys!"
<Magi> Laugh
<The_Patryn> >bone yeti
<PaulC> You thrust vigorously at the yeti, but your liquified spine betrays you and you pitch forward and miss entirely. The yeti cries and goes up in the elevator to its bedroom. You can hear the strains of linkin park wafting down from above.

<The_Patryn> >sex change
<PaulC> You don't really know what sex you are, so a change would be difficult.
<Magi> >Declare self FEMALE
<PaulC> You decide you are a woman! You draw a cute smiley face on your penis and giggle.
<Magi> Laugh
<The_Patryn> roofle

<The_Patryn> >enter elevator
<PaulC> You wheel happily over to the elevator and get in. Above, someone is singing about pain. There is a control pad with one button: up.
<Kefka> >draw 'down' button on with magic marker and press it
<PaulC> You stab at the space where a "down" button would be. Your elevator takes off on magic rockets and flies through the dark night sky!
<PaulC> You awake to find yourself in japan again, just outside the alley.

<The_Patryn> >east
<PaulC> You wheel to the east, disoriented. There are bright shiny lights. An elvis impersonator is giving a concert here to a group of furries.
<The_Patryn> >yiff
<PaulC> The furries hate you!
<Kefka> >ask if the furries want to orgy
<PaulC> The furries say that they do.
<PaulC> And so they do.
<PaulC> You are excluded.
<PaulC> A single tear runs down your cheek.
<Magi> >Kill furries
<PaulC> In a jealous rage, you wheel forward towards the comically sexing furries, but their thick fur suits deflect your impotent blows.

<The_Patryn> >talk to elvis
<PaulC> You wheel around the pit of furry yiff and talk to japanese elvis. His hair knot droops sadly. Elvis says, "I amm su-a-du."
<The_Patryn> >nut elvis
<Zatham> >teabag the elvis impersonator!! >((
<PaulC> You kick elvis violently in the balls. He dies and vanishes, dropping 34 gil and a black velvet painting. The furries haven't noticed yet, but you'd better motor. To the south is a DARK FOREST.
<Magi> >consume velvet paintingt
<The_Patryn> >take gil
<The_Patryn> Wait
<The_Patryn> 600 yenses, and 34 gil?
<PaulC> You chew on the velvet painting! The painting contains lead-based paints. You are now deaf. You take the 34 gil.

<Dragonsaver> >exits?
<PaulC> There's a DARK FOREST to the south, and to the west some buildings and shit.
<Magi> >Walk into forest
<PaulC> You wander into the dark forest! El chupacabre stands just inside, snarling violently. The soiled panties dangle off his ear.
<Dragonsaver> >ask El Chupacabre what gil is?
<The_Patryn> >challenge el chupacabre to a DRAG RACE.
<Dragonsaver> >ignore patryn, we need a motor for the wheelchair first
<PaulC> You inquire politely about the varying currencies of the japans, but El Chupacabre does not know the exchange rate! In shame, he leaps at you!
<Magi> >vomit profusely
<PaulC> You vomit horribly in fear. You notice what seems to be the head of a shark coming up. El chupacabre slips and falls.

<Magi> >pocket shark
<PaulC> You stick the shark head in your magic wheelchair. El chupacabre recovers and climbs up a tree.
<PaulC> To the south, there is a DARK LAKE.
<Magi> >South
<PaulC> You wheel like crazy to the south, but el chupacabre leaps down from the tree and ambushes you! Without your hearing, you don't even react before he has your pants down. El Chupacabre was really just shy and thought you were cute. El Chupacabre impregnates you. You are now carrying El Chupacabre's baby.
<Zatham> O_O
<The_Patryn> o_o
<PaulOSR> You deemed yourself a female
<TKLink> O.o
<The_Patryn> Ouch
<The_Patryn> >try to feel it kicking
<PaulC> You listen lovingly to your lung, where El Chupacabre impregnated his ghastly offspring, and feel it moving. With time and luck, it will burst through your upper body, feeding off your juices in an ecstasy.

<Magi> >use clotheshanger
<The_Patryn> Lips are Sealed
<TKLink> > abortion abortion abortion
<PaulC> You remember that you don't have enough to pay for college and shrug. There are no clotheshangers around here, so you just punch yourself really hard. In a bloody spurt, a fetus chupacabre shoots out of your mouth into your lap and blinks hideously. In the distance, you hear a terrible mexican wail.

<Zatham> >)
<Zatham> > cradle offspring lovingly
<The_Patryn> Lips are Sealed
<PaulC> You snuggle the fetus chupacabre to your breast. It steals your fritos like the damn mexican bandito it is and runs off! You didn't even remember you had those.
<The_Patryn> fucker.
<Magi> Damn it

<The_Patryn> >follow chupacabre fetus
<PaulC> You wheel furiously after the chupacabre fetus, but roll through a puddle and find yourself sinking in quicksand! Dingos eat your baby.
<TKLink> >laugh at dingos
<PaulOSR> Frown
<PaulC> You laugh at the dingos with your final breaths as you are submerged into the depths of the quicksand. Years seem to pass in a place of dim green light. Awakening, you discover you are SWAMP THING.

<The_Patryn> oh noes
<The_Patryn> >examine self
<PaulC> The world has changed whilst you slept. The skyscrapers are devastated, crumbling ruins. Your wheelchair is crushed and ruined. You have sunglasses.
<Magi> >summon magic faeries
<PaulC> You summon some goddamn magic faeries. They look at you curiously.
<Dragonsaver> >bottle fairies
<PaulC> You have no bottles to stick the faeries in. You are swamp thing. Swamp thing has no need for bottles.
<TKLink> >eat faeies
<PaulC> You lunge for the faeries, but they titter coquetishly and fly off to Venus.

<Magi> shit man
<Magi> >Attack godzilla
<PaulC> There is no godzilla here. The ruined landscape all about you shines a bright pink. An ominous recollection pricks your memory.
<TKLink> >go to sleep
<PaulC> Swamp thing has no need for sleep.
<The_Patryn> >unprick
<PaulC> You unprick your memory and are again happily oblivious.
<Magi> >evolve into swamp master
<PaulC> You need to be level 25 and have the moon stone.
<Magi> Damn it!

<Dragonsaver> >score
<PaulC> Your score in this game so far is Spunky out of a possible Bootylicious.
<The_Patryn> >seek mothra
<PaulC> Mothra rises from the ruins to the west!
<Magi> >explode into a corrosive piles of muck
<PaulC> You use your SWAMP POWERS to explode into a whole buncha piles of muck.
<PaulC> You are now a whole buncha piles of muck.

<The_Patryn> >by our powers combined we are captain planet
<PaulOSR> >summon captain planet
<PaulC> You summon captain planet with your three rings of power!
<PaulC> Captain planet flashes you a winning smile.
<The_Patryn> >yiff captain planet
<PaulC> You reform into SWAMP THING and screw captain planet right through his spandex. Mothra dies. The sun dies. The planet dies. You die.
<PaulC> **** GAME OVER ****
<The_Patryn> >:D
<PaulC> Your score in this game was Pederast out of a possible Bootylicious.

<The_Patryn> rofl
<TKLink> Ditto at patryn
<PaulC> FYI Captain Planet must remain a virgin or the planet itself is "despoiled."

<span style='font-size:11pt;line-height:100%'>There is nothing left to fear/Now that bigfoot is captured[/COLOR]

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:holy:

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