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i have both plot and story for my game

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Townie
Joined: 9 Jul 2006
i have both plot and story for my game

would you guys reply and tell me what you think of my story/ plot
Story:

The first part of my game will take place 100 years ago in the year 2038 where a spellcaster casted a spell to release his master known as the Dark General from the pits of Darkness where he was imprisoned at. Now that he’s back he can wreck havoc on the world once more with his dark army. Now the question is where Stryder blaze went. Who will be able to stop this dark general from plunging the world into everlasting darkness. Who is the hero going to be to rid this world of evil beings.

The plot for the first part of my game will take place where the spellcaster casts a spell to release his master from his imprisonment in the pits of darkness. The hero’s will come later in the game .

meustrus's picture
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RoyalÜber TownieUltra TownieMega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 18 Jan 2006

What is the general's motive? Also, why was he imprisoned, and who is the spellcaster to have broken him free? Who is in his dark army, and who would want to be?

If it were up to me, I would try to come up with something else, because there are plenty of "Save the World" stories, most don't turn out to be that good. The best ones also don't tend to be based entirely on saving the world, but more on trying to save yourself and those around you and get dragged into a plot that only the villain wanted. And the villain HAS to have a motive. Otherwise it's unrealistic.

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Über TownieUltra TownieMega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 15 Jul 2004

Why was the "Dark General" the master of this "spellcaster"? How was the Dark General imprisoned? Who is "Stryder blaze"? Oh wait that's you nm.

Anyway this plot deals with a ton of clichés. Please beef it out some more and try to add something innovative to spice it up.


On hiatus. Blame holloway.
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Townie
Joined: 24 Jun 2006

I'll just be horribly mean about it; it's bad.

Firtst of, never go with an exact number of years, normally it's 1000 years, but I dislike 100 too. A "dark general" imprisoned in "the pits of darkness" shouldn't be too bad for this him/her either if you just read the names. Explain why it's a bad thing (for him/her) to be imprisoned there. Is the spellcaster just a random person, is he/she having his/her own profits from freeing this dark general? Why would the dark general wreak havoc u[pon the world? Why is his army so much stronger, why should one single person be able to stop him while the armies of the world couldn't?
I take Sky Blazer is the person whom imprisoned the dark general. After 100 years, he should be dead, so why do people wonder where he went?

You're only giving prologue, but no characters. Characters are more important than the plot, they are the base of the plot. Without characters, no real plot, but without plot, you can still think of characters.

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Townie
Joined: 9 Jul 2006

sorry if it seems cliche so here are the character's are as follows

Matthew oron
Age 16yrs o
Race human
occupation Royal prince of nia

micheal riley
Age 16 yrs old
Race human
occupation peasant

David oron
age 22 yrs old
Race human
Occupation General of the Royal nian Military

Sheron oron
Age 22yrs old i
Race human
Occupation Royal Princess of planet nia

Stryder blaze
Age?????
Race??????
occupation??????????

the part i left out of my story was that stryderblaze was the one who first imprisoned him in the pits of darkness and the spell caster is the Dark Generals Loyal servant

Enemy characters

Spellcaster
Age 20 yrs old
Race human
Occupation : Loyal Servant to the Dark General

Dark General
Age 26 yrs old
Race human
Occupation Former General of The Royal Nian Military

ok i redid the characters and i gave the dark genral a motive for wrecking havoc on the world

The Dark General (motive)
if your wondering why he was imprisoned in the first place is because he destroyed six continents on the other side of the planet nia in which the king told him not to destroy the other continents but he went ahead and disobey his king and did it anyway with the help of an spellcaster who calls for an army from the pits of darkness or dark abyss if you want it that way

The Spell Caster (motive)
his motivation is to help the dark genral escape his imprisonment so the dark general could set off on a new plan of taking control of planet nia by conquer an destroy anyone who gets in his way no matter if your your royalty or not ans so the spellcaster casted a forbiiden spell to bring forth an army from from the very pits of darkness there known as unholy soldiers of the dark or dark soldiers for short

Stryderblaze somewhat between main hero and an npc and stryderblaze had no option left but to imprison the dark general into the pits of darkness within a unholy crystal along with his dark army with a forbiidden sealing spell.

MAGIC (source of magic)
magic is possible through the use of crystals that give or have magical powers within them

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Super TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 14 Jul 2004

That answers none of our questions.

First, I can't say I'd like having my party consist of Matthew, David and Sheron (it's mostly spelled Sharon, by the way), but I guess it's fine if you're going for something terribly (<-- literally) realistic. And now for the questions:

Why are there 2 princes? What is this "superhuman" race? What do these characters have to do with the plot you posted? What is "nia"? Who is "Stryder Blaze"? Does he have a red scarf, a red mask and brown hair?

Just kidding. But as others have said, this sounds very cliché. I'd very much like to see some more details of these characters and an answer to our questions.

On the internet men are men, women are men and little girls are FBI agents.

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Townie
Joined: 24 Jun 2006

By characters, I mean character biographies. Their appaerence is one, but their background and personality are so much more important.
What I've learned from this are the name of the homeplanet, the fact that it's a monarchy, some names, and that "superhumans" are immortal versions of the "regular humans". But would that be like; not aging anymore after a set amount of time, and therefor inable of dying from age? Or would this also exclude effects from illnesses and being slaughtered in battle?
Also, if 16 years is 150 "Nian" years, and 22 would be 225. There would be a difference of 75 "nian" years, with 6 regular years. 75 split into 6 is 12.5, 16 times 12.5 would be 200, and therefor 150 "nian"years=16 years= impossible. Same goes for the rest.

Also, how can a 26 year old be a general?

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Townie
Joined: 9 Jul 2006

fine i will do the bakcround story for the characters but the only problem is im not very good at drawing my characters or spriting

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Super TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 14 Jul 2004

You don't need to know how to draw or sprite in order to think of backgrounds for your characters.

On the internet men are men, women are men and little girls are FBI agents.

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Townie
Joined: 9 Jul 2006

i need a writer who would be willing to help me make it better

meustrus's picture
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RoyalÜber TownieUltra TownieMega TownieSuper TownieGreat TownieTownie
Joined: 18 Jan 2006

I would recommend starting from scratch myself...

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